PEOPLE WHO GAVE ME CANCER, ARE PROBABLY SITTING SOMEWHERE TALKING ABOUT HOW TOXIC I WAS TO THEM. -Rupali Dutta
You know that feeling you get when you are missing somebody who is sitting right in front of you. Maybe because missing someone has got nothing to do with distance but difference that has suddenly become too noticeable. That feeling of being with someone but not really recognizing them. The feeling, that has been suppressed by you for a long time now, because a lot of us have convinced ourselves that being in an toxic relationship is better than being alone.
And sometimes the heart is not ready to accept what the mind already knows, but such scenarios only create a toxic environment and not beautiful relationships. Sometimes letting it go is harder but a better option than holding onto something that is desperately wanting to slip away. And yes, we do understand this idea of holding onto the people you love as Audrey Hepburn once said, “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” but sometimes you are not even capable of holding yourself together, let alone holding a relationship together.
Remember, a toxic relationship never gets created on its own but takes thousands of wrong steps, ignorance, ego, and self-deceit. Everyone that comes into your life is not a blessing, some are lessons too and it is in your benefit to learn that as soon as possible. And these are not just relationships between couples, these are your relationships with everybody; your family members, friends, mentors, and even parents.
Though there is no such thing as a relationship handbook or a guide to ace in relationships, we still hope these few suggestions can help you in managing your life a little better.
Acceptance Is The First Step
It is a basic human instinct to go into a state of denial whenever something or someone we love starts appearing as problematic. We do not let ourselves even give it a thought and try our best to suppress that inner voice telling us that something is just not right. And it is not always the other person, it can be the situation and circumstances, or the problem can even lie within you.
Whatever it may be, the first thing you need to do is recognize and accept it. You do not need to have a false belief in something that is not working out for you and run away from it in the name of love because that will be pure deception. And once you accept there is a problem only then you can try and look for a solution.
Do Not Beat Yourself Down
Relationships sometimes can get as messy as beautiful they once were and this does not mean that the past was not real because people change with time and so does your equation with them. But sometimes regardless of the beautiful old memories, you have together, it can get really dirty and turn into a mudslinging game where everyone tries to blame the other person and you might come across such a situation where you will be held responsible for it all going down the drain and that can make you doubt and question yourself.
Whatever happens, no one is to take full responsibility for it as it takes two to tango. And you are never responsible for the other person’s emotions, you never were, and you never will be. So there is absolutely no need to beat yourself down and go into a phase of blaming and tormenting yourself.
Be True To Yourself And To Them
Lying has never worked for a long time for anyone and neither it will ever, leaving, being true to yourself and to them as the only option. Even after sensing something wrong, trying to suppress it in anticipation that time will heal everything is probably the worst thing you can ever do in the name of fixing the situation.
Every relationship works on this unsaid rule of being truthful about your feelings, thoughts, emotions, and changes whether it is with your parents, siblings, friends, or partner. If you feel there is a problem or you have a change of feeling or are unhappy in the current arrangements, speak up and let the other person know about it maybe then you can still have some hope.
Know When To Give Up
When we love someone, we try to push our limits, we try to overcompensate, which is not wrong but can become problematic if the other person gets used to it. It is good to try and make a relationship survive but know, that there isn’t much to save in an already dead relationship.
It does hurt when we have to let go of our loved ones but it is very important to know the point where you need to stop trying and should walk away because sometimes while trying to save others you can inflict unimaginable pain on yourself which can leave your soul scarred. Walking away is equally brave as holding on if you know when to do what.
So continue to love because that is the basis of almost everything in our lives but please do not let yourself get intoxicated by someone’s poison that they themselves would not even sniff.
